THE PAINFUL TRUTH (7/20/11)

HE approached me.

"Why are you always mad at me?"

Then I thought 'wow!! do I really have to answer that?'

He made me believe that he really does care for me.
He made me believe that I am his only girl.
And above all, he made me believe he did love me more than his life.

I've been his rebound girlfriend without even knowing it.

[Because if I would, I would never let him enter my life]

So how come he had formulated that question upon me?!
When all this time it was all his fault!!!

I have every right to be cold and bitter to him.
To treat him like I didn't know him. To treat him like a worthless peace of jerk!!!

I must say I missed him so much
that it hurts just seeing him.
I still love him so much.

Though he cheated on me
it doesn't change anything.

I STILL LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

but..

still no matter how much I love him. It doesn't change the fact that
HE loves Her more than me.

And if you are wondering, did I ever fight for him??

YES. I tried all my strength to fight for him.

But I broke up with him. I know I did the right thing. 

I know how it feels to be dumped, and be rejected by your love over another girl.

And I am sure that SHE is a nice person and she loves him.

That I come to realize that I am just an obstacle sent by the lord to make their relationship stronger.

I cried. I cried so hard that I can't even hear anything around me.

Just feeling the sheer pain struck me.

Sometimes you have to lose. You can't always have a happy ending.

And its the painful truth.

[APOLOGY] my dream (7/4/11)

It was raining that day, the sky looked dark, the rain poured angrily and endlessly.

I stood under my umbrella and walked pass through a dim and curtain less house...

My house.

I looked upon myself and realized I was wearing white.

My hair soaked and my face is wet.

I entered my house and walked to my room.

Following me, HE reached my hands. His face were disoriented.

He was wearing white.

I'm not sure if he was crying, no tears came out his eyes, but the expression of his face showed sorrow, hurt and regret.

He kissed my hands and held it firm and gentle.

He'd spoken.

"I'm willing to let go of everything, I don't care. But I can't bear this any longer."

The way he said the words... its meaning register to my mind in different way.

It was an APOLOGY.

I reclaim my hand, and go.

He followed me everywhere. Anywhere.

I avoided him.I can't bear the sight of him. His scent. His presence.

For he caused the pain I tried to forget and the wounds I tried healed to torment me again.

Its too late. I can't accept him anymore.

It was raining that day, my melancholy matched the pouring rain.